I got really tired last few months after accumulating bad experiences and ending up going out with the same kind of man. The same immature, selfish, “not-sure-where-we-are-going-but-I-kinda-like-you”, careless and inexpressive man-child. But after each deception, I was back in business looking for the RIGHT one. Most of my friends thought I was insane (or at least slightly mentally deficient) to go back in the game with the same enthusiasm. “You should learn from your mistakes”, they seem to say. But in which way was it really my fault to believe real love is possible? I’ve realized my only real mistake was to pick the wrong guys to share my unaltered and intensely romantic idea of romance.
I was looking at some couples, the ones you hate cause they are too perfect for each other, and thought “why not me ?”. And I was right to think so … After all, who can tell you “it’s not for everyone”, “it happens to one in a million”? Giving up hope in your dreams, is giving up your right to live the path that you’ve chosen for yourself. That thought, to me, is unbearable. In love, as in professional life, one needs to stay ambitious.
And somehow, it happened.
This time, I didn’t really expect it. One fine man (the whole package, believe me) decided to enter my life, and really wanted to get a special spot. I was doubtful at first, but my walls rapidly fell apart as I fell as quickly in love with him. For the first time, as far as my bandage-fixed heart can remember, the awkward match-making of two human beings was making perfect sense. And strangely enough, all the previous relationships were making sense as well. The bad dates, the insecure moments, the cheaters, the cheated, the ones I had a crush on but weren’t moved, the ones who felt for me but didn’t move me, … all this non-sense which is the quest for “the one”, was finally intelligible.
As a mad scientist, I was just experimenting different formulas, using a little bit of this, or a little less of that. With time, I had eliminated few factors that made the relationship explosive or too bland. This time I feel the chemical reaction is just right. This is an on-going experience though and I can’t be sure of its outcome, after all in pharmaceutical industry you need few years of medical supervision to make sure a new product is working and has no dangerous after-effect. But what I’m 100% sure of, at this precise moment, is that everything is clear: neither fog, nor doubt about his feelings or mine towards each other. We are in love and that’s just what I need to know.
So, be reassured my friends, I have learned my lesson, and I have chosen him.